Will The Real Jane Doe Please Come to the Front Desk

I am Jane Doe.

Which was always the case.

I hate being her. She's killing me.

May-be it's a tie between Sebastian and her, but I am the one on the receiving end of both of them.

And I hate them both.

Jackie is back in the picture. She sent Sebastian a birthday present that he forgot to tell me about for 6 days. It slipped his mind......and so did the phone call that he made her.

She brought him print of one of his favourite buildings in the whole world. Isn't she clever to know such things about him. She also brought his children some books.

But I'm supposed to be completely comfortable and at ease with the whole scenario.

Forgive me, but I'm not.

We had a massive fight, and he called me some lovely names on the phone. The up side? I got to cry, and what a release that was. There is still so much inside, I want to scream and yell. I want break something, there is just so much anger inside me and I don't know how to get rid of it.

So instead of yelling at him and telling him what I think, I'm taking it out on myself.

He was supposed to come to a trivia, a work thing, I advised the gossipers at work, that yes, Sebastian Knight was coming to the trivia night. And I even felt OK, not comfortable at all, but OK, because it was out. The rumours had been confirmed.

Then after the Jackie incident, he pulled out.

I think that he was never really coming to trivia. This was confirmed last night. Less than 24 hours after deciding he wasn't coming, he had arranged for a mate to go to his place, they had dinner & drinks.

He was never coming to trivia.

Was the thought of being seen at a work 'do' to much for him?

I suspect so.

So humbled & totally humiliated, I went anyway.

A huge act in itself, I was thinking as I was driving home that I would be in a fatal car accident

and not show my face.

But I did, I even looked the gossipers straight in the eye. Fuck that was so hard.

I held my head high and got drunk to numb out my pain.

And numb the pain it did, so much so I ended up back at his place. Just where I didn't want to be.

So we fucked and slept and as per usual, I woke at 3am having a panic attack. I got up and went and took a xanax, a half, not even a quarter. I went to the toilet and went back to his bed. I fell asleep, and woke after nine. This is when he came in got naked and we fucked again. He came this morning. I wasn't really into it today so I was glad that he entered me from behind, so he couldn't see my face. It's amazing to just disassociate from your body. My body was just being used, and I hardly felt a thing, my mind was too busy somewhere else.

We had a quick shower and he dropped me to my car.

And that was that, another giant step backwards, right back to 1st May 2009.

I feel so sick in the stomach.

A Fucked Fucked Fucked Situation

Jane Doe is at the end.

She can not take this roller coaster of emotions any longer.

Sebastian Knight came over to her house last night. First he had to wait for his significant other to finish yoga, so by the time he got to Jane's place it was past nine o'clock.

They had dinner and then went to bed for another fantastic session of fucking. That's all it is, it's just fucking. It's just two bodies together, moving, grinding, fucking. It's just fucking.

Sebastian Knight left at 8am, using the excuse that he left his suit behind so he had to go home and get ready for work. What a load of shit.

Sebastian Knight is a fucking liar.

Jane Doe & Sebastian had lunch together and at the end of his lunch break she asked him about a rather important event occurring tomorrow. He answered, told her that yes, he was going out to dinner for this occasion and not just that but there are about 20 people going to this dinner.

Jane Doe sat with the answer provided in her stomach all afternoon, until she couldn't stand it anymore.

She emailed Sebastian and asked why he hadn't told her.

she got the following response (allow for spelling errors)

'im "sittiy" with myself for two reasons

- I didn't tell you already

- it's just another sign of me losing the plot. There are so many things that I am forgetting and trying to remember. So many things that aren't being done or finished. I'm really starting to worry about whether I'm losing control and should I really be here

Example - I felt sure I had a meeting this afternoon but at ------'s I checked my cakander and it was empty but I got back just in time for a meeting I booked with folk from here, some consultants and a guy in -------. I put the appointment for next week!

Another example - ----- and ------- are coming for dinner tonight. Did I remember? Nope, but partly cos I thought it was tentative and maybe a joke but did I feel stupid when -------- just reminded me? Totally!

So I'm sorry if I am not telling you about all the stuff going on but most of the time it's cos I don't even know (remember)

Can you forgive me? Or better still, can you help me?

xxxx

The response explaining tomorrow night's event was bizarre but then Sebastian Knight goes on the mention that he is having -------- & ----------- over for dinner.

Yet another event that Sebastian Knight had forgot to tell Jane Doe about.

And Jane Doe is friends with --------- & ----------, however no dinner invitation was extended to her.

Jane Doe had thought that they were a couple, but doesn't even know if she can be bothered anymore.

Jane Doe wishes that her fucking heart would catch up with her fucking head.

Jane Doe's fucking head wants out of this fucking fucked up situation with Sebastian Knight.

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